In fact, it’s honestly a bit worse. Some (likely naive) dude has implanted his Tesla’s car key into his right hand. Why? We have no idea, but just wait until you see how this TikToker reacts to the video of the implant that he is replying to.


After looking at it with horror in his eyes, as we did, the TikToker known as JF.Okay offers to do the same thing — if the video receives 1 million likes. So we have not one internet denizen that deserves a Darwin Award, but two! Thank goodness this video hasn’t received anywhere near 1 million likes. It’s difficult to come up with a good reason for this biomodification other than to fulfill some strange interest. Is this somehow more convenient than pulling the key from your pocket, or is losing it that deep of an inconvenience? If the latter is true, that seems like a flawed product to us that isn’t worth potentially damaging your bodily health over. We’re pretty confident in saying that Tesla’s keys — from the metal to the radiation that it emits to deliver the wireless signal — were not tested for human implantation. Alas, such is the rabid Tesla fan, blinded by the glitz of technological spectacle to the point of sycophancy. Asking why this person did this is like asking why someone drank the Kool-Aid at the local “new age” church. And so, we’re happy to nominate the two men into this video for the 2022 Darwin Award: a prestigious accolade for only the people most lacking in survival instinct in the world.